Early 2015 Checkpoint: How About A Challenge To All The Illusions You Were Ok With In 2014?

So, around the beginning of January this year, I started to experience some extreme internal upheaval.

What had been on cruise control for most of the prior year was suddenly undergoing speculation.. and I wasn’t liking what I was seeing.

My motivations and patterns, which had been entirely rebooted during 2014, had grown stale. Something critical was arising within me, and it seemed to be reflected by the manifestations within my immediate environment.

My inner experience and visualization of what had been normal, up until now, suddenly felt deeply inadequate. And how the hell had I been living this long without filling my needs for greater structure? Greater security?

I hadn't seen any of this before. In 2014, it wasn't the theme.

I’d been happy to ride on faith.

My inner visualization facilities had been on autopilot for 2014, giving me a trust that I, frankly, idealized. A trust in the basic abundance of the universe that offered me a constant internal cushion. And it all seemed to be unfolding beautifully, in a way I’d never known in my prior life in San Francisco. I was learning to flow on a current of provision from a source beyond me that seemed to interact with my constant needs. Which I’d never done before. At least not that dramatically. My growing edge, in 2014, was there. In trusting that.

I learned to do what I’d never done to such a high degree: trust. Trust “it”. Whatever it is. All of what it is. God. Goddess. Spirit. the Vortex. My own ability to manifest.

And it served such a beautiful function. It helped me to let go of my prior addiction to control. To security.

But a year slowly passed by in that reality.. and I shifted. I got used to it.

What started in 2014 as my growing edge had now grown a pretty strong shadow.

About what I wasn’t willing to do.

And then, in the beginning of 2015, the Universe started asking me, “What else are you willing to do?”

In answer to that question, I spent a lot of days crying in bed. And feeling ill.

Why couldn't the simple faith be enough anymore? Wasn't I doing enough by trusting? Wasn't trusting the whole lesson?

But I eventually had to realize that my reality was being challenged. Again. And challenged in a way that was very hard to define. The beautiful and once-fresh ideal that had allowed me to cruise on Trust was having a harsh light shone upon it. The harsh light was saying, "yeah, Trust is a huge part of it. So glad you've learned that. But have you made a limiting list of things you're not willing to do under the guise of 'trusting'?"

It wasn't a call to lose faith. But a call to be willing to activate in a different way. To find a balance between faith and pragmatism. It was a call to fresh willingness. It was time to shift, and to once again go with the flow of the energies and their challenges. A call to go with my leveled-up growing edge.

And friction, both internal and external, has made that very clear.

I know many of you can relate to this right now, based on the conversations I’ve had.

So, what the hell is going on?

Near the end of December 2014, Saturn crossed over into Sagittarius, and journeyed towards a solid square with transiting Neptune in Pisces.

Saturn: Structure. A Well Thought Out Plan. Solidity. Karma. Pragmatism. Work. Not Cutting Corners. Paying Your Taxes.

Neptune: Illusions. Dreams. Faith. Inner Hidden Consciousness. Diffusion. Intuition. Emotion. Knowing That It'll All Work Out No Matter What You Do.

To put these two in tension with each other throws the glaring, critical light of Saturn on the more gentle and diffuse waters of Neptune. this aspect can manifest in many differing ways for many people, but a good example is what happened for me: my illusions were challenged by a need for greater security and pragmatism.

The signs that are most effected by this right now are Virgo, Gemini, Pisces, and Sagittarius.

Many of you - no matter what your sign - are feeling some aspect of that “floating on faith” vibe come to a halt. In one or many areas of your life. You might feel like your touch-and-go job is no longer providing for your security, and you’re jumping into a more solid occupational situation. Some of you are having relational constrictions and miscommunications arise out of nowhere.. which are challenging your inner illusions about how you perceive others vs. yourself. Many of you are feeling a challenge come out of left field, and as harsh circumstances arise with it, you’re forced to blindly feel through the ocean of your illusions to the solidity of the earth. Wherever it may be.

It’s a confusing and anxious time.. and prone to low self esteem. Especially if you're still trying to let the illusion win when you should let the structure win out. Or, if you're holding onto the illusion of a structure when the real structure lies in letting go and finding faith in diffusion.

^ Woah. I know. Total mindfuck.

But inside yourself.. you are already starting to feel into where your next growing edge is. Wether it's answering the call of Saturn and creating more structure, or answering the call of Neptune and allowing for greater faith in the Universe.

Which is part of why this is whole thing also very useful.

In my case, dealing with the effects of cutting through illusions, dealing with fear, and seeing where I need to meet the ever-giving hand of the Universe with my own responsibility, I’m upping my game. I’m not digging the stimulus. It sucks. But I am rocking it, to the best of my ability, and making the necessary changes in my life.

And actually, even though it's been emotional and challenging, I'm super grateful.

Oh. And I Paint Things.

So enough people have asked me for prints of my work that I decided to finally get off my ass and make a Redbubble shop.

Therein I have all kinds of Neptunian sorcery. Bioluminescent wonders. Ethereal creations.

(What else do you expect a triple Pisces to come up with?)

Get 'em on your wall! Get 'em on your phone!

.. Just get 'em. Seriously:
http://www.redbubble.com/people/atarachne

Love And Relationship Outlook For 2015 - Libra Through Pisces

Part two of "The Love Post". Part One here.

Libra

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

REVOLUTION VS. HARMONY
Resonating Tarot Card: The Hanged Man

Libra doesn’t like when things don’t feel smooth. And tasteful. And harmonious. Libra, in fact, will often do everything they can to avoid a bumpy road in a relationship. But with Uranus in Aries continuing to oppose your sign in 2015, it’s not a time to be focusing on harmony. This is a time that you will really be feeling an inner sense of discord and shifting, and you may be scanning the horizon for something better “out there”. And you may need to make extreme choices or decisions in order to respond to the Uranian energy.

This will unsettle you. And it's supposed to. Unless you're struggling hard against it and trying to ignore it.

This is a similar energy to that which Aries is feeling this year. The difference is, Aries has the conjunction which is smoother flowing energy.. and you get the opposition.. which often creates a more shocking and dramatic energy. Surprises that you least expected will strike like random bolts of lightening into your life - a sudden breakup, a sudden need to shift your sexuality, a sudden occupational shift. Maybe even an attraction to somebody who is not treating you well, and it forces you to reconfigure the way you look at self esteem and relational function. Or, it could be experienced in a more internalized way: you may feel a constant sense of uncomfortable stagnation. A need to break out of all your norms and shift something in a big way in order to feel “free”. And it will feel rapid and pressing. Urgent. Like the whole river of life is rushing you towards a waterfall.

This desire to be free in some way that you haven’t achieved yet will duke it out with your need to please other people all the time. And if you are trying to let the people-pleaser win, it won’t work. So chameleoning for a relationship isn’t the best idea right now. This is far better used as a time to really explore the tensions you are feeling, and what exactly makes your needs tick. And *gasp* even create conflict. It also includes exploring a wide array of new experiences in order to even find what your needs are. Everything is different from what it was. Uranus is ensuring that. So don’t try to hold on to your same old patterns.

What You Need This Year

To allow your relationship identity to change. That’s the only way you’ll move through this time with grace. If you are holding on to an outdated idea of what your relationships need to look like, you’re going to be in the “Zap Zone”.. which is basically Uranus throwing you a huge (and possibly ugly) surprise in order to “zap” your hands open. Get you to let go of control. If you are truly desiring a partner to help you through this time, you will likely attract somebody who is out of your norm. Somebody you never would have attracted in the past, who will help broaden your perspective through this transit in your life. (Aquarius or Leo might be a good choice.)

Hot Months For You

January - Good one for having a good and sexy time WHILE integrating the Uranian electricity

June - Especially mid-June. Venus/Jupiter conjunction sextile your Sun. Sexy. 

Overall Advice

The more open you are to change and new ideas at this time, the more everything will go smoother for you. However.. (and this will be the hard part for you) it’s not about “smooth” right now. Part of the gift of this time for you is seeing what is actually beneficial about erratic changes. And learning to respond, not react, to them. Jupiter is also sextiling your sign from Leo, so this can be a great time to expand through change. Just let life have it’s flow, and ride through. Grace and harmony will avail themselves to you when you find your revolutionary truth. The real truth. 

Scorpio

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

DEEPENING. AND HOPE.
Resonating Tarot Card: Star

Gotta hand it to you, Scorpio. You made it through a rough few years of Saturn transiting your sign. You really had to get your nose to the grindstone and work hard in order to achieve what you wanted.  Or, everything you'd worked hard for over the years fell apart.. causing you to have to let go of all your previous structures. Now, Saturn is exiting your sign, which is revealing a simultaneous aspect that has been happening for some time now as well: Neptune in Pisces trining your sign. This is a very long, slow aspect.. which may or may not be directly effecting you, depending on your sun’s degree, but it offers a powerful expansion of intuition, empathy, and imagination. You are able to conceive of complex, spirit-opening realities in a way that you never have before. And your usual psychological astuteness is deepened in understanding and softened by empathy. The harshness has opened up and is making way for your spirit to flourish.

It could be that you are also in a relationship, this year, where you are able to flow past previous barriers. Your understanding of both yourself and your partner is able to move into a deeper place. And you might surprise yourself by what you’re able to transcend. Even the messages of past wounds. Easing up on judgements this year will bring your relationship (or a new one) to powerful new heights, and allow you the totality of perspective to understand things in a brand new way. Or, you may find yourself needing to be taken care of while in a weak place.. or taking care of your partner in a weak place. A “savior” tone to your relationship is possible. But thankfully, the harshness of Saturn is moving out of your sign (though it retrogrades next year and takes a small dip back into your sign.. possibly bringing you a little rebound of Saturnine issues.)

What you do need to be careful of right now, especially with Jupiter in Leo also squaring your sign, is the possibility of running away with ideals or fantasies that don’t have any foot in practical reality. For some of you, hope feels really good after such a long time of not seeing it. But it will be an easy time to lose yourself in a flight of fancy, maybe even entering into a deeply unwise situation because you have such an overinflated belief in it. Be careful with money and over-extending your resources. Especially with your partner.

What You Need This Year

Trust your inner knowing. Even about whoever you’re with. Your intuition is especially strong through this time, and will likely guide you in the right direction (If you aren’t being over-inflated by the Jupiter square). You’re tuned into energy levels that are beyond the mundane.. and that may reflect into the kind of partner you attract or are looking for. Your spirituality or imagination needs to be stimulated by your partnership this year. A more firey or airy type likely won’t cut it.. but a Pisces might contribute to the possible savior/victim complex talked about above. 

Hot Months For You

February - Neptune + Mars + Venus in Pisces. Deep, soul-exposing sex.

December - Love .. and other resources in your life should be doing well. ($$). Nice.

Overall Advice

I think that this year will hopefully be a bit of a landing on the staircase of life for you. The overall universal energies are still shifting towards big change (Pluto - your ruling planet - in Capricorn. A huge restructure is still happening).. but as we all know, there are times when things are harder than other times. This is a time that will take a different tone for you. A softer, more Neptunian tone. Your partnerships will also take this flavor.. of looking empathetically into the souls of others instead of uncovering hidden agendas for the sake of judgement.

Sagittarius

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

STRUCTURE
Resonating Tarot Card: The Magician

Good news? Jupiter is in Leo, trining your sign of Sagittarius! Good times! Heavier news? Saturn just entered Sagittarius.. which means honing in on work and structures. Not the kind of thing freewheeling Sagittarius wants. But these energies are actually well-aspected to each other through most of 2015.. so if you’re a Sagittarius born in the earlier degrees of the sign, this could all have a really good-feeling flow to it. And you may not be experiencing the Saturn energies through harshness or depression this year.

When Saturn goes through any sign, it’s a “time to get real” energy. If you were making decisions in the past about partners based on hopping from adventure to adventure without giving it much thought, this will slow you down a bit. You’ll put more critical considerations on yourself or a partner within a partnership, because you are more aware of what your standards are. Your partner may also be eye-rolling as you go off on long-winded tangents about a new discipline you’re adhering to. Or you’ll finally really hunker down and stay with somebody through the long haul, if you’ve never done that. Saturn has a way of making you conscious of the long term, and giving you a desire to meet its demands.

I think the Jupiter trine to Saturn in 2015 will soften this a bit, causing you to feel optimistic about expansion through focusing on building your structures. Especially since it's in Leo, and offering a brightness, fun, expansive feeling to all of your other undertakings. It may also bring you a connection at your work who recognizes you for what you offer. Romantically, it could bring you a partner who works with you through your expansion rather than a “you vs. your partner” energy. You may definitely get a shove in the career department... Either giving you more focus on mastery, or shifting your occupation altogether through a sudden set of circumstances. (Trine of Uranus in Aries). 

This is a “building upwards” year for you. Even through the boring bits.

What You Need This Year

Though you’ve likely been attracted to firey or airy types who don’t get too hung up, things are changing. A more serious or more structured partner is more appealing to you for 2015 than in your past. Maybe even your neighboring sign Capricorn. Buuuuttt.. With the trines of Jupiter and Uranus in the mix for 2015, you will definitely get some of life’s more interesting surprises. Including who shows up for you. Could be that he has some zany, travel-based entrepreneurship.. but also works extremely hard and consistently to hold his life together. It’s a mixed bag. Which is kind of what you like anyway.

You definitely need to learn the balance of work and play.. so the Universe is likely to send you people who will give you a clue as to which one is out of balance. 

Hot Months For You

March - Definitely a time to get out. No matter how hard you’re working.

July - Adventure Month! Venus/Jupiter in Leo trining your sun, and Saturn’s taking a dip back into Scorpio. Out of your sign. Sweet.

Overall Advice

Don’t get carried away with criticisms of your life, your self, or your partner. Yes, you’re painfully aware of the work you have to do, and are getting your nose to the grindstone. Commendable. Really. But you also have to realize that the energy is likely to tip in favor of that side of the scale. You should ease up a little on the harshness. And also talking about it.. which might feel like you are riding a crusade horse into a country against its will.. and that country is your partner. Or friends. Or whoever else has to hear you rattle on and on and on about your new disciplined pursuits in life. 

Capricorn

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

AUTHENTICITY
Resonating Tarot Card: The Hermit

Pluto is slowly..... slowly........... .....slowly.... trudging through Capricorn. Like, for years. And it’s got years more to go. Depending on the degree of your Sun, you will at some point feel the conjunction energy of Pluto. (If you haven’t already). This is a time of stripping down what isn’t necessary and rebirthing you into a more authentic reality. And it isn’t always comfortable. In fact, it isn’t often comfortable. That’s because Pluto often takes you right up into your deepest fears, walks you through them, shows you that there’s always a way through, and then you rise out of it as a phoenix from the ashes. (This is emphasized by the square of Uranus in Aries.. which is likely to throw you whatever surprises it needs to in order to get you out of your rut.)

Capricorn feels a bit shaky about this whole process. You’re an earth sign, and thus you really like when you’ve got earth below your feet.. and a plan. A plan is good to you. In fact, most of you Goats have depended so much on a plan for so many years that it’s hard to imagine it being ripped away from you. But the planet of death and rebirth moving through the sign of structure is all about showing you a more authentic truth than your plan was built on. Many of you Capricorns have likely experienced this through an intense breakup, or a super intense love affair/relationship that brought you to emotional extremes, or a prolonged time of being single.. where you really explore what relationship means to you. Sexual expression is usually intensified and deepened when Pluto is involved, as well. So the sex during the time that your Capricorn planets are aspected by Pluto is pretty memorable.

This kind of transit also has a habit of revealing some of the darker truths in your life. Secrets, or dubious motivations, or deceitful dealings with the law/public/significant others.. maybe even mental issues.. and bringing them to light. Your partnerships may even interact in the area of revealing these things to you.

This isn’t the kind of life material that chick-flicks and rom-coms are made out of. The story between you and your partner will look a bit more like a serious period-drama. Cold Mountain. Or The Painted Veil. Or some kind of story that includes war and psychological extremes and personal breakthroughs and peaks and valleys. This is a time in your life where your truth, your authenticity, and your light is paramount. And authenticity at it’s purest isn’t always something you’d make pretty and put on a poster. No, you’re learning, through every kind of extreme, exactly what you’re made of. Pluto will make sure of it. 

What You Need This Year

I’ll tell you what you don’t need right now: somebody shallow. Sure, if you’re that kind of Goat that enjoys keeping their serious side at work and non-committal play in the bedroom.. it may be hard to change. But Pluto is here now. And if you just compartmentalize all partners under “play”, you won’t meet a somebody who will call you out, help you out, and stick next to you through this very deep transition. If, in fact, you want somebody here through this transition. You may instead need a prolonged period of exploring your psychological depths alone. Which is fine. 

If you’re already in a good partnership at this time.. it will definitely deepen. And if it doesn’t have the capacity to go deep, Pluto will destroy it.

Hot Months For You

- February - Great for an empathetic partnership. Neptune, mars, and venus in Pisces.

- November - ... If things aren’t quake-proofed yet in your bedroom.. I suggest you make the necessary adjustments..

Overall Advice

The “Shock Factor x Deep Factor” of your life is a thing this year. An ongoing thing. And a whole bunch of shit that might not make sense to your structures is likely to happen. For Capricorn, this can really turn your world upside down. But I personally know that Capricorn has a pretty deep, vulnerable spiritual side, wether or not you’re aware of it. Releasing your grip a bit and trusting the Universe (especially the Universe’s natural cycle of death) will greatly reduce your stress and pain. Think about the mountain you’re climbing. Does it still need to be climbed? It could be that you are holding on to burdens that are no longer necessary. Even in your view of relationship.

Aquarius

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

INFLATING POSSIBILITIES

Resonating Tarot Card: The Empress

This may, actually, feel super fun for you. With Jupiter opposing your sign in Leo, and your ruling planet Uranus sextiling your sun from Aries, you may feel like you are on a crazy rocket ride.. and the whole Universe is opened up for your exploration. Or, you may just feel a lot of everyday tension because you wish the above was more true for your life. Overbearing structures will be glaringly obvious to you at this time. Anything that is keeping you trapped. You can feel that there is so much more out there to explore, discover, and do.. and it will tempt you towards extravagant behavior in order to answer the call. Mostly because you feel extra aware of abundance that is available outside of normal structures. 

This can be a time in your relationships where other people (especially people who are oriented towards their own concept of security) might be jarred by how you “stir the pot”. Your restlessness may be expressed through acting arrogantly. Or in some extra-individualized way that rides roughshod over others. Your partner may feel a bit embarrassed by your tendencies towards overkill in the “shock” department. Or, you could stay relatively quiet in your behavior.. but make huge financial promises, make plans for a sudden extravagant trip, or a dramatic lifestyle change that throws everybody for a loop.

It will be hard to understand how to balance or master this energy. Mostly because it will act strangely and erratically, and won’t be easy for you to recognize. But the best way to tone it down is to spend extra time thinking about the implications of your choices. Even though you’re a revolutionary and a progressive.. and not always that interested in fitting into others‘ conventions.. you may consider that you could have a more successful relationship with your partner if you could tone down some of the grandiosity and channel some Saturn. (It’s sextiling your sign from Sagittarius! Useful).

What You Need This Year

Somebody who won’t hold you back.. but will temper you. Of course you care about the collective opinion, and viewing an individual relationship with somebody as a “representative from the collective” can help balance you. Freedom and independence are wonderful things.. and you will want them more than ever this year. But don’t ride roughshod over the people, events, and experiences that don’t fit your bigger flights of fancy. 

If I were to guess, though.. you’ll probably meet your partner at an intentional living community in Costa Rica while doing nude tai chi during a permaculture festival. Or something. 

Hot Months For You

March - This could be that time in Costa Rica I was just talking about.

September - Jupiter moves out of opposition with your sign = stabilizing. Venus/Mars in opposition with your sign = sexualizing. 

Overall Advice

Have your adventures. Really. It’s a great year to take advantage of the restlessness and do something about it. 

I just hope your job is flexible about that kind of thing. 

Pisces

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

WHO TURNED UP MY FISHNESS?
Resonating Tarot Card: The High Priestess

Ooh! Ooh! My turn! My turn!

I’m a Pisces myself. So of course one always feels a little biased while writing about their own sign. But I’m gonna keep the playing field even and express what I see from an objective standpoint. Neptune is still cruising ever so slowly through Pisces. If you’re an earlier degree Pisces, you will be feeling the conjunction of Neptune to your Sun. If you’re a later degree Pisces.. you’re probably feeling more of the Pluto sextile from Capricorn. 

Since Pisces is already Neptune-ruled.. we spend most of our time exploring a plethora of alternate realities, complex ideas, empathy, and illusions. With Neptune coming through Pisces and adding extra watery nature to our already watery nature.. it’s a bit of a deluge. A constant psychedelic trip. This is a prime transit for the Fish to lose itself in something. And really lose their identity to it. In relationships, the primary thing to watch for is flowing into an entirely different identity.. because the object of your affections starts to form your mold. This is, of course, a typical problem for Pisces. But with the added Neptune, it can be part of an enormous “drug trip”. The kind where you wake up in a few years and wonder who made you their avatar and took over your body.

The other two major effectors of Pisces this year are the Pluto in Capricorn and the Saturn moving into Sagittarius. The Pluto in Capricorn might be causing you to have a bit of an alternate experience from the one described above. Instead, you feel astute.. sharp.. and psychologically penetrative. You might also be looking for a more all-consuming love experience than you have in the past. 

What’s difficult is the Saturn in Sagittarius energy, which will cause early-born Pisceans to feel like a storm cloud is hovering over their heads for parts of the year. The Saturn energy might dampen your confidence in relationships, but it will also give you a motivation to get your shit together and accomplish something. The key to using the energy for accomplishment rather than diminishment/depression is to keep objective goals in mind, and to keep an eye on reality.

What You Need This Year

Probably not a starving artist/musician/creative/tortured soul/poor helpless victim/ institutionalized druggy on-and-off lover. I know. We love them. WE LOVE THEM. But we gotta say “screw that noise” right now and remember that reality is a bit of a challenge at the moment.. so a partner who’s maybe even “boringly uncreative” to our eyes could be a good choice. I might avoid air signs and other water signs (Besides a solid Scorpio).

Actually, this may be a good time for you who are so-inclined to really commit to a spiritual practice. Or something that can channel all of that Neptunian, otherworldly power into a pursuit that honors its potential.

Hot Months For You

- Late January/Early February - Sexy. Times.

- July - One of the better times for confidence through the year.

Overall Advice

The double-shot of Neptune in your drink is a lot. I should know. It’s directly on my stellium in Pisces right now.. and it’s intense. Reality has never been less definable. But, I do feel that it’s a great time, while the boundaries are down, to explore. You might make some decisions that are really hard for others to understand at this time.. but remember that you are on the mission of defining for yourself what’s illusion, what’s reality, what’s spirit, and what’s “out there”. Relationships formed during this time are a lot of “learners”.. or at least, may feel that way later on, when you come out of the transit. This is the kind of transit where your behavior will be drastically different before, during, and after it. Whoever is sticking it out with you will have to have a lot of patience with your need to explore the realms of all possible realities.

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For a more personalized reading, please contact me

Love And Relationship Outlook For 2015 - Aries Through Virgo

Ok. “The Love Post”.. Part 1. 

So, in order for me to want to do this.. and do it well.. I gotta write about things that are important to me. And the general Love Prediction Post isn’t always that interesting to me. The fantasy-spun webs of glamor. They're fun to read, and kind of entertaining.. but to be honest, I prefer to read an outlook based on an integrative understanding of all the energies going on.

So, that’s exactly what I tried to offer in this post. A predictive look at the love and relationship opportunities that are coming your way this year, BUT integrated with a main theme in your sign's entire energetic course.

 Isn’t it all always tied together anyway?

This is my Christmas gift to all of you for 2015. I hope you find some helpful insights about what’s coming up for you.

Part 2 on its way..

** And.. AND: Please, don’t take everything I say here too seriously. This is generalized. Although I do a lot of generalized astrological writing, it's not often fair to the individual. I really far prefer to look at energies for individual charts. Please consult me for a transit chart reading if you are curious about your upcoming year for your specific chart. 

Aries

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

CHAAAAAAANGE
Resonating Tarot Card: The Tower

This is a time for busting out of norms. Uranus is still cruising through your sign.. and it wants change, revolution, and progression. This can bring in crazy amounts of surprises, newness, and sudden shifts in your love life. Which is exciting. But while Uranus is in Aries, (depending on its relationship to your personal planets), you likely won’t find the longterm soulmate connection you might be craving. Conversely, if you’ve been single most of your life and have never had the experience of a long-term love, Uranus in Aries could, in fact, suddenly change that course. 

Why is that? Well, the energies at work in your sign right now are about creating sudden shifts that cause you to be ripped away from your ideas of structure. Your structures, including relationship expectations, are being entirely reworked at this time. So while that’s happening.. you obviously can’t be building a long-term relationship on something outdated. What’s GREAT, however, is that you are currently in the process of opening up and integrating new energies into your life that will be a part of your future relationships. You are doing the work to become a more authentic you. 

This will be a time that you may not be able to explain the kind of changes you are experiencing. Part of you will feel like trying entirely new ways of living your life. Random shit will happen. Offers, travel, interactions, and personal choices that take you in an entirely new direction. You’re going to wonder why you never did certain things, and want to give it a go. You’re craving vast amounts of freedom.. and if you’re already in a relationship, it will have to be very strong to survive this transit. 

Holding the reigns on a straight course will be tough. And emotional, if you're the controlling sort. However, if you’re a more free-wheeling ram who digs the unexpected.. this particular time in your life may feel fantastic. 

What You Need This Year

Somebody who’s outside of what you’ve gone for in the past. The same ol‘ same ol‘ just won’t do it for you anymore. If he’s a fresh concept, he’ll likely be interesting to you. You need somebody who really touches on your inner progressive... or somebody who shows up suddenly, grabs you, thrusts you into his jeep and takes you on an adventure for a month. While everybody back home is wondering where you’ve gone. That kind of a thing. In fact, an Aquarius or Gemini relationship is well-recommended for the Aries, this year. Beyond that, you may want to consider tossing your relationship ideals altogether and really exploring reality afresh. 

Hot Months for You

- End of February/March. Venus and Mars conjunct in your sign. Trining Jupiter in Leo. HOT. 

- Early July. Tense.. but sexy time. Like a “Passion-Through-Conflict” kind of flavor. Nothing you mind, right?

Overall Advice

There‘s nothing wrong with having a love life during these enormous transitions in your life. But what’s important to keep in mind is that you cannot enforce your past ideas of commitment on it. They simply will not work anymore. And this may trouble you, because some part of you really does want to have a consistent lover. But part of your challenge is to reconcile the need for constant change, and your need for consistency. But consistency simply won’t win right now: everything needs room to breathe, change, and move. So if somebody comes into your life whom you have an amazing connection with, don’t close your fist around him. Let it come and go as it wishes. That’s how you let Uranus have its way. And it will get its way.

Taurus

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

EXPANSION AND ITS BALANCE
Resonating Tarot Card: Temperance

Good thing about this year? A certain amount of restless, expansive energy that keeps you wanting more. The bad thing about this year? Loosing your “enough” gage. Jupiter is in Leo, squaring your sun sign in Taurus. This is a year where it will be easy to over-inflate. Like.. you make a promise to your partner, or he/she makes a promise to you, and the expectations surrounding it get out of hand. Or you meet somebody, and your restlessness sparks heightened expectations in your imagination, causing you put too much into something that’s actually unstable. Or you make a series of impulse buys, travel plans, or ill-timed ‘romantic gestures’ to feed your need to expand your relationship quickly. Whatever it is, it’s a balloon that’s being filled with helium. If you’re not careful.. the balloon will fly away. Out of control.

What you’re learning through this year’s cycle is how to integrate this expansive energy you’re feeling with the rest of your practical reality. When you meet somebody who you are romantically interested in, you may feel a sudden urge to let your imagination run away with it. Your excitement, mixed with restlessness over the pace, will take over. That’s because anything that shows up in your life this year that offers something new in answer to your inner restlessness will turn your excitement dials up to 10. You need to realize that your emotional response to this new person is likely overkill. So, dialing it down a bit won’t hurt. 

You’re basically in danger of placing too-high of expectations on yourself or your partner this year. So if you don’t want to feel frustrated by your dashed hopes, realize that the intensity and particular tensions you feel to expand are based on transient criteria. Really. What you are ultimately looking for beyond this transit will come to you through putting less pressure on it than you are prone to do within this year. 

Side-note: Pluto is still trining your sign from Capricorn. It’s a great time in your life to explore the structures surrounding your sexual expression.. and glean from your deepened psychological insight about it. 

What You Need This Year

Excitement. Well.. “Excitement: Taurus style.’” You more or less want a plan, and you want things to be comfortable and dependable.. But you also are feeling an itch for expansion, change, and growth. You need somebody both stimulating and dependable. Which is something that Taurus is usually looking for.  But don't use your over-zealous urges as justification for being arrogant towards your partner because he doesn't share your views on risky investments. Or don't latch onto a new person and decide that they are "the one" too quickly. And move in with them. Or pay their rent. Or promising them a trip to Bali.
 I'd say watch for the air or fire sign types. Who will possibly encourage the above behavior, rather than anchoring the over-expansive tendencies. 

Hot Months for You

July - Sex...... 

October - Jupiter is in Virgo, trining your sign. And it’s accompanied by Venus and Mars. Great time to feel easy, flowing romance. 

Overall Advice

Since you’re a fixed sign, you can get a case of the “I’m Rights” pretty frequently. Be open to learning the balance. You need to back it off a bit and integrate with others’ (hint: your partner’s) paces of energy about things. Also sloowwww it down a bit when you meet somebody this year. Making immediate promises, even to yourself, about this person aren’t likely to come to fruition in the way you imagine. You also really need to be careful with money this year, and that definitely bleeds into relationship. Your urges to spend, let alone what you want to spend money on, are more likely to be based on the impulsive/expansive energy I've been talking about.

Gemini

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

PERSEVERING
Resonating Tarot Card: Justice

So, it’s a tough one for Gemini overall. Not even just regarding relationships. 

Although the entire year will not be bleak for Gemini, unfortunately, you still have got to pay some dues. Gemini is entering a difficult period of Saturn opposition, and is still treading the confusing waters of an ongoing Neptune square. Your structures, work ethic, reality, and focus are all being challenged at the same time. Although this doesn’t have to be horrible in physical reality, it still can be experienced on a subtle emotional level that creates inner discord or depression. Mostly because you feel like you’ve lost your way a bit, and you are extra critical of yourself about it. 

In your relationships, this could reflect into the breakup of a long-term partnership. Or a period of undergoing harsh circumstances that force you to change your entire relational reality. Or, your natural optimism and whimsy being challenged by an inner critical environment. With the Neptune square added to this, it might be easy for you to loose yourself into some kind of illusion about the situation. Or to attract a situation where either you or your partner is perpetuating a lie; and the ill-laid foundation comes crashing down in an inconvenient way.

I know. It all sounds depressing. But really, this is an incredibly useful time for Gemini if they can utilize the energies honestly within their relationships. Gemini has to be honest with themselves about their need for deep inner self-development, and do their work. In the universal energies of 2015, life will bring you the kind of partners that will cause friction for you to find what is true and real. Which is actually very necessary, even if it happens through uncomfortable circumstances. What’s difficult for Gemini is that you like to move around in a flirty, light-hearted, and whimsical way from partner to partner. And you squeeze out of a tight grip or a heavy situation before it gets uncomfortable. But this year, the flavor will change. You will have to tread some deeper waters in order to grow. If you choose to, you can proactively take the reigns on your situation and learn what you need to learn about fairness, reality, and focus. Which will help you can set an incredibly strong foundation for your future relationships.

Gemini doesn’t like to be slowed down, but slowing down a bit right now will really help you.

What You Need This Year

What would be beneficial to you right now is a partner who is “hands off, but helpful”. You need your freedom, and aren’t huge on clingy relationships that are laden with heavy expectations. But you also need somebody who sees deeply, and is able to give your mutable mind some insight, wisdom, and support. Especially when Neptune square is having its way with your imagination and reality perceptions. But here’s the thing: You. Absolutely. Have. To. Be. Honest. Right now. Really. Because that’s the most successful way to move through these particular energies. And the best way to relate to your partner. (Isn’t it always?)

Hot Months for You

April - Definitely a new love opp. (Or some follow-up action from somebody you met in January..)

July - Should be lovelier love month, by far, than June was.

Overall Advice

Don’t avoid your work. In any regard. And especially in your relationships. There are times where even you have to sit still and learn from something. And the relationships coming into your life during this year will definitely offer lessons. And if you’re already in it with somebody? Maybe try hanging in through the heavy stuff. The stuff that would typically drive you to getting your flirt on and trying somebody else on. Saturn in opposition to your sign is interested in showing you what you’re capable of when you hang in there through adversity and stick with it. You definitely have more follow-through strength than you know. Avoid the water signs, but I’d say any of the others are fair game. Even an unconventional choice for you: earth. 

Cancer

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

REBIRTH
Resonating Tarot Card: Death

 Pluto’s been in your opposite sign (Capricorn) for quite a few years now, and depending on the particular degree of your Sun (or other personal planets in Cancer), you’ve gone through some bullshit. Or at least, an incredible amount of intensity. (Or maybe an STD or a horrible kidney infection?). 

So, your relationships have definitely had their fair share of transition - probably based on extreme upheaval. And Pluto, being the slowest moving planet, is still in Capricorn this year. Still opposing your sign. Still creating upheaval. On top of that, Uranus in Aries is squaring your sign and throwing you some uncomfortable “Suddenly!”s. Like, suddenly your boyfriend is leaving for Australia for his job. Or suddenly, your girlfriend is caught cheating on you with your best friend. Or suddenly, your partner springs the idea of an open relationship on you in spite of your monogamous leanings. 

It’s also, however, a time for discovering your inner depths. For tasting sexual extremes of pleasure. For extremes of emotional experience. For allowing passions to go to their extreme highs as well as their extreme lows, and really experiencing the full richness of life. This is a time in your life when you’ll look back and feel that you lived lifetimes within a lifetime.. and you won’t regret any of it. Even the sudden changes that have taken you through immense pain. 

So, naturally, your relationships will reflect this extremity of energetic tone. Staying open-handed and open-hearted in the face of rebirth is important for your emotional survival. You are in the process of letting go of things that don’t have their foundation in the Deep and Meaningful. Pluto is ensuring that. Your relationships are going to stab at some of the deepest core parts of you. Mostly to reveal to you what lies in your subconscious. And then strip it away, even forcefully, if it doesn’t resonate with where your rebirth is leading you. 

What You Need This Year

Patience. Insight. And gentleness. With yourself, and with your partner. I expect that you have either recently been through or are heading into a wound that you will need to spend time healing from. To punish yourself or your partner beyond what’s healthy in a grieving process will NOT help the situation. If you are looking for somebody new this year, you need to reconcile your feelings of threatened power, of anger, or even of volatility in order to make something lasting of it.

Hot Months for You

February - Gentle, empathetic, spiritual kind of love is in the air. Venus and Mars in Pisces conjunct Neptune.

End Of October/November - Spicy good times. Sexual energies aplenty. 

Overall Advice

Your greatest fear is only your greatest fear as long as you’re afraid of it. What often renders a fear powerless is actually walking through it, and realizing it didn’t have the kind of gravity you’d given it. This is a time where your love life can be deeply enriched through letting go of your fears.. and some of those fears will have to be experienced before you can let go of them. Don’t worry about what that might entail, though. You are going through the kind of life transition that offers you incredible depth, insight, and power. To be able to offer that kind of richness in a partnership is priceless. A scorpio may be a good partner for you, right now. 

Leo

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

INCREASE
Resonating Tarot Card: Sun

Alright, Leo. Your turn with Jupiter in your sign. Lucky you. Actually, it started around the Summer of 2014, so you’ve been feeling the luck, expansion, and growth for some time. But around December 8th of ’14, Jupiter went retrograde back through Leo after almost reaching Virgo, and will not go direct until April 8th of 2015. So, you will get another round of Jupiterian luck-thrust through the upcoming year. 

Jupiter’s smile is likely going to reflect through your relationships. A time of ease, or of naturally wanting to grow and expand with your partner without putting any tensions in the way. Or, if you have been craving a new relationship for a while and are looking for one, the person you’ve been looking for could definitely show up this year. But also - With the Jupiter trine to Saturn and Uranus in - you may also be funneling more of this Jupiter energy into transitions of structure than a lover. These energies are great for unexpected opportunities coming along to change your world for the better. Maybe even your career along with it. It depends on what’s important to you and where your focuses lie. 

I’m pretty confident that 2015 holds some powerfully positive blessings for Leo. And I do believe that these have the opportunity to ease tensions in relationships, or bring the kind of relationship that makes you feel absolutely adored in the way you crave. We all go through times in life where we are either learning through pain, or learning through pleasure. Both are equally valuable and rich times of existence. But it’s Leo’s turn to learn through some pleasure. And I believe Jupiter and its related energies will bring just that. Just be careful not to get carried away on the pride wagon and ride roughshod over those going through the converse side of life. 

What You Need This Year

Just enjoy it! Really. Even if you’re not quite at the point of getting what you want, and waiting to tip over the edge of the waterfall.. trust it. The hunger you’re feeling is the sign of the Universe making room in your heart to fill with something. If you’re looking for a relationship, bravely open your heart to exactly what you desire. The expansion and increase is offered to you. Or soon will be. Also, with so much Jupiter.. you need more than mediocre sex, love, and adventure. It needs to be firey, expansive, and spontaneous. Another fire sign is a good choice for a lover. 

Hot Months For You

March - GET IT. Any of it. All of it. This is a month where all aspects of your life should be going pretty smoothly. 

July - If you’ve been waiting, for some reason, all year to get your love life off the ground.. this is likely the month it’ll happen. Jupiter AND Venus conjunct in your sign. Just keep in mind it’s trining Uranus in Aries.. so it could be something very unexpected. 

Overall Advice

Onward, Jupiter.. To glory! 

... That’s about all I got for you.

Virgo

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

DEFINING YOUR REALITY
Resonating Tarot Card: Moon

Neptune is slowly... very slowly.. moving through Pisces: in opposition to your sign. Depending on the degree of your Sun sign (and other personal planets in Virgo), this can be a pretty confusing time for you. Neptune is kind of the opposite of everything you stand for - which is clarity, discernment, and definition. Neptune wants to create fantasies, illusions, and glamorized ideals. While getting lost in a fantasy might feel like a welcome escape from critical reality, it also weakens your energies. You thrive in more of a defined course of action.

In relationships, this obviously has a part to play. You might be trying on a new hat in your relationships, based on an uncharacteristic belief you’ve recently adopted. Or, you’re avoiding a long overdue breakup because you’re willingly upholding a blind fantasy about your partner. Or, you’re losing yourself into some imbalance in life based on a skewed reality. It’s hard to define this as a “good” or a “bad” thing.. because there will be a large amount of undefinable subjectivity about it. Whatever it is, you are going to have to strive hard to find honesty and clarity in your situation. If you do, it will be worth it.

Lucky for you.. Pluto is also in Capricorn. Which is offering a ‘penetrate-to-the-core’ trine to your sign. So, what’s great about this is that your current confusion is tempered by deep psychological insight. The confusion, even in relationships, is fuel for you to get to the bottom of things. And you’ll be motivated to do so. And, the combination of the Neptune opposition with the Pluto square may make for a time of you taking greater than average risks; AND achieving your goal. With power. Even though those risks may be especially based on some kind of glamorized reality.

Also, it is a pretty good year for your sex life. Like, deep, intense, all-or-nothing flavored sex. 

What You Need This Year

Clarity. But it will be hard to come by. Especially with the prevalence of confusing, strange, and disturbing situations that inflame your loss of grounded reality. I would especially warn you against beginning a new relationship with somebody outside of the council of a trusted, close group of friends. (And don’t form misconceptions about them if they advise you against it). You need all the other perspectives you can get right now in order to “find your ground”. I would not begin a relationship with a water sign if I were you. Stick to earth signs this year. 

Hot Months For You

End of April - This is a bit of “coming out of the water” for you. Positive, forward moving force. 

November - Silver Lining time of the year. Jupiter, Venus, and Mars are in your sign! New love, or rekindling of old love?

Overall Advice

I’m sure you’re frustrated. Some of this probably feels a bit like a psychedelic experience you were forced into against your will. (I’m actually a Pisces, with Neptune *Conjunct* my sun right now. Double-deluge-reality-loss. So I feel ya.) But there really is a few ways to look at this. As humans we often learn through contrast, so it could be that attracting several situations that end up being based on falsehood/fantasies could help you find reality on a new level. It could also be that the Neptunian influence gives you the ability to explore relationships on a new and more intuitive level. Don’t fight Neptune, but rather work with a more intuitive body of knowledge (not your preferred practical knowledge) to find the truth. 

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For a more personalized reading, please contact me

Saturn. It Might Be What's Got You Down.

'Saturn Devouring His Son' - Francisco De Goya

There are lots of things that we go through in life that I feel people would understand better if they knew a little about astrology.


Like cycles. Cycles that include things like challenges. And depression.

No-No-Words for Bliss Ninnies and Secret-Pushers.

But these are things that happen to us nonetheless.

And why do they?

Is there a way, as many New Agers believe, that we can change these realities?

Can we really 'manifest' or perception-change our way out of these times in life? Can we really find a way to always master complete abandon and joy in the face of horrible difficulties?

Personally, as an astrologer, I don't think so.

For a few reasons.

We're human beings. And being human means that we experience a full spectrum and range of life that offers us a full spectrum and range of development. To jettison any part of this human experience from ourselves, especially harshness, depression, and difficulty, is a disservice to our development. Instead, I think that these times of challenge offer us a lot. Especially if we meet the challenges at their depths and don't avoid their powerful messages.

What? Embrace negativity?

Well, maybe not embrace it. But pull back and look at the big picture: in the full scope of what these natural cycles bring to our lives, a natural and short-term product of their effect is negativity. A negativity which, when fully experienced and transcended, brings us to a new maturity in life. Negativity is often a short-term condition that we are experiencing that is actually able to offer us a fuller perspective of life if we move through it and don't get stuck in it. Its gift is greater understanding. It may have come from a difficult situation.. but it is ultimately leading us, through tension, to a greater unfolding of understanding.

We're usually experiencing negativity because of challenges to our structures. To what we feel we deserve, how we go about getting it, and why.

Astrologically speaking, I think the planet to talk about here is Saturn.

Seeing where Saturn is transiting in your chart can give you great insight into the kind of negativity, difficulty, and challenge that is showing up in your life right now.

Saturn transits are some of the strongest transits (for good or for bad) that we can go through.

You were born with Saturn somewhere in your natal chart.. but it's been moving in relationship to the planets of your chart ever since then. The relationship of a planet that's moving to a planet in your natal chart is called a "Transit". We're all going through them. All the time.

So why does Saturn control this particular part of life experience?

Saturn is basically.. Dad. The traditional archetype of Dad. Saturn is here to give us a sense of discipline. We know that there is a structure, a path, and a security in following that path because of Saturn. That’s Saturn's kingdom: the way. Saturn rules the part of life that’s all about structured routes. Like when you're having coffee with a friend, sighing, and talking about how many more years you've got in school before you can get your internship and your certification. Saturn says “You’ve got to do things consistently this long and in this way in order to get here”.

Saturn is necessary in order to achieve the means to an end. But it’s also interested in showing us what harsh consequences await us when we don’t follow the structures that life is asking us to. Other outer planets are more concerned in getting us to break from tradition (Like Uranus. And don't worry, he gets a turn behind the wheel from time to time as well), but when Saturn is in control.. it wants us to prove that we have follow-through. That we can stay the course. And sometimes, it will create very harsh circumstances so that we can prove to ourselves and others that we can stay the course.

So, when Saturn moves into a new aspect with one of your natal planets in your chart.. you will go through a new cycle involving structures in your life.

Of course, these don’t always have to be bad. If transiting Saturn trines your natal Mars, you may go through a period in life of having incredible staying power. You may train for and complete a marathon with an amount of strength that you wouldn’t have had at another period of your life. If transiting Saturn trines your Midheaven.. you may go through a period of incredible career gains based on all of the hard work you’ve put in to build towards success. All of these (and more) can be good.

But what about when things fall apart? When depression hits? When harsh life circumstances pile up and drown you? These are the times when you are likely going through a harsh Saturn transit.. and this is where I believe that understanding the energies that are happening can really help you.

When Saturn is Squaring or Opposing a major planet in your chart.. it can feel like one of the most challenging times of your life. Deaths, divorce, layoffs, audits, unforeseen accidents and unforeseen expenses. You just feel weighed down.. like nothing you do is making a difference, or that everything you're doing is being challenged from all sides. During these times, it can feel so discouraging to even go on that you wonder why you even try. Why it even makes a difference to keep going. And frankly.. that’s exactly what these transits are for; for you to learn what making a difference actually is. And you know what it is? Saturn will tell you:

It’s showing up every day anyway.

I know. Not glamorous.. but Saturn isn’t about glamour. Saturn Squared or Opposed wants you to evolve to the point of acting out of true conviction for your goals. It wants you to know your truth and your plan so well, that you can act out of patience and persistence in the face of adversity. If you are in one of these transits.. it can be tempting to fall into a depression fueled by imagining better days; days where things were easier. Of course things were once easier! That’s not what this is about right now. That’s not what your reality is now. Saturn says, “The rewards will come if you do your work.”, and if you don’t, the pressures will feel a whole lot harder and the pain will be much more painful until you do. Saturn does not care how you feel about this. It doesn't take your emotions about these matters into consideration. That's the territory of other planets.. but not of Structure himself.

During these harsh Saturn transits we are also likely to feel overly self-critical. In fact, when I went through a Saturn-Sun Opposition about 7 years ago, I went through an eating disorder. (Of course Saturn was opposing my Sun from the 6th House - the house of health, daily habits, and service).

The harshness I felt about myself through this transit fueled the dysfunctionally-structured habits of my disorder. And naturally so. When we are wearing Saturn-colored glasses through a Transit, we’re naturally going to be comparing ourselves to structures that we decide are important to us. Wether they're good or bad ones. In the case of my eating disorder.. the arbitrary structure of physical perfection given to me by mass media appraisal and misread messages of old body image wounds.

I lived out a year in the eating disorder before I came to the end of it.. and then I was completely over it. I had to come out of the mentality that was fueling it. If you’re able to see it this way.. this process can actually be one of the rewards of Saturn’s process. It will let you play out the complete harshness of a (wrong) structure so that you can arrive at a better, more healthy structure. It doesn’t care about how you feel. It’s not sensitive. It says, “You’ll do what you need to do in order to get here”. And so it is.

But what if I'd known about the astrological implications of the transit I was going through? Could I have responded to those energies in a healthier way?

Perhaps so.

But then again.. was the challenge and disorder I went through necessary for the full experiential understanding?

Perhaps so.

 What happened .. happened. And through whatever means, I learned what I needed to learn. But I do believe that if we can see where Saturn is, or is heading, in relation to our natal charts, we can prepare ourselves mentally with whatever foresight and wisdom we are able to access. Of course, since the very nature of these transits is to structure us in new ways, including our blind spots, some of their harshness may feel inevitable. But we can prepare a support system for ourselves. We can find a way to work productively with the energy. We can educate ourselves, spiritually expand ourselves, and integrate our energies in such a way that we respond, not react, to the discipline of Saturn.

But even if we don't..  Saturn will happen anyway.

This planet will always be somewhere in our charts. We will always be struggling with its harshness somehow. And I don't believe that that needs to be a bad thing. In fact, it leads me to believe that it is a very natural part of the tensions of life. Tensions that cause us to grow up, show up, and prove something. That's what Saturn does.. and that's what it wants.

So how can you see what Saturn is doing in your transit chart right now?

Well. You could get a transit reading from me...

Or... if you have a little astrological knowledge..

You can access various websites (Such as www.astro.com - 'Extended Chart Section - Transits'), or astrology programs, and have a look at where Saturn is in your own chart.

I find it to be useful information.

Finding the Green: What happens When You Trap a Triple Pisces in the City

Back in 2009.. I was a hopeful-hearted 22-year old. I'd just moved to San Francisco for art school and a dream.

Within a year of living right downtown in the civic center.. a singular realization began to overshadow my life.

I hated the city.

Hated it.

I hated being trapped in a labyrinth of steel, glass, and grey. Vertical lines, dreary fog, and dead concrete threatened to take away every delicate, organic thing within my soul. I hated the swelling, suffocating forces of chaotic energy.. the calling card of hungry spirits and ghoulish addicts. Filling me with fear and depression. I hated that anything real or natural was asphyxiated by an overwhelming ambitious force.. punctuated by the dead-eyed financial achievers rushing around me in the streets. What was an exciting world of synthetic stimulation to others was a dead, stinking, ugly place to me. I hated the feeling of drowning, drowning, drowning.. unable to find a way out. Unable to come up for air. 

I was a dolphin in the desert. I was a macaw in the tundra. I was completely where I didn't belong. And I couldn't achieve enough, do enough, or ignore it enough to get past the pain in my soul.

Frankly.. with a Sun, Moon, and Mercury in Pisces.. I should have known that my sensitivity levels were too high to thrive in the middle of the downtown chaos. So much Neptunian energy NEEDS natural, organic resting places.

A couple years in.. the depression got so bad that I knew something had to change.  

So, as a small way of reconnecting to nature.. I decided to commit to a Golden Gate Park visit every week. 

I told myself that I'd spend as much time as possible being as lost as possible, in that narrow strip of green.. until I felt whole again. 

And so I did.

The contrast was dramatic. Very dramatic. I'd often melt into tears underneath my sunglasses on the bus, as I headed down the final stretch of Fulton street. Towards those twirling Australian teatrees and rising ancient redwoods. Knowing that in a few moments.. my soul was going to be able to breathe. That I would feel normal again. Whole again. That the deepest, most connected "knowing" in me would be able to feel it's place.. to feel like it had organic, green room around it. 

During this time.. I took lots of photos of my relationship to this little, green world.

These are all very special moments to me.

Because they were so rare.. and I cared so much about them. 

I decided to post them all here today as a reminder of one of the hardest emotional times I have come through in my life, which created a far deeper meaning of beauty for my life.