Early 2015 Checkpoint: How About A Challenge To All The Illusions You Were Ok With In 2014?

So, around the beginning of January this year, I started to experience some extreme internal upheaval.

What had been on cruise control for most of the prior year was suddenly undergoing speculation.. and I wasn’t liking what I was seeing.

My motivations and patterns, which had been entirely rebooted during 2014, had grown stale. Something critical was arising within me, and it seemed to be reflected by the manifestations within my immediate environment.

My inner experience and visualization of what had been normal, up until now, suddenly felt deeply inadequate. And how the hell had I been living this long without filling my needs for greater structure? Greater security?

I hadn't seen any of this before. In 2014, it wasn't the theme.

I’d been happy to ride on faith.

My inner visualization facilities had been on autopilot for 2014, giving me a trust that I, frankly, idealized. A trust in the basic abundance of the universe that offered me a constant internal cushion. And it all seemed to be unfolding beautifully, in a way I’d never known in my prior life in San Francisco. I was learning to flow on a current of provision from a source beyond me that seemed to interact with my constant needs. Which I’d never done before. At least not that dramatically. My growing edge, in 2014, was there. In trusting that.

I learned to do what I’d never done to such a high degree: trust. Trust “it”. Whatever it is. All of what it is. God. Goddess. Spirit. the Vortex. My own ability to manifest.

And it served such a beautiful function. It helped me to let go of my prior addiction to control. To security.

But a year slowly passed by in that reality.. and I shifted. I got used to it.

What started in 2014 as my growing edge had now grown a pretty strong shadow.

About what I wasn’t willing to do.

And then, in the beginning of 2015, the Universe started asking me, “What else are you willing to do?”

In answer to that question, I spent a lot of days crying in bed. And feeling ill.

Why couldn't the simple faith be enough anymore? Wasn't I doing enough by trusting? Wasn't trusting the whole lesson?

But I eventually had to realize that my reality was being challenged. Again. And challenged in a way that was very hard to define. The beautiful and once-fresh ideal that had allowed me to cruise on Trust was having a harsh light shone upon it. The harsh light was saying, "yeah, Trust is a huge part of it. So glad you've learned that. But have you made a limiting list of things you're not willing to do under the guise of 'trusting'?"

It wasn't a call to lose faith. But a call to be willing to activate in a different way. To find a balance between faith and pragmatism. It was a call to fresh willingness. It was time to shift, and to once again go with the flow of the energies and their challenges. A call to go with my leveled-up growing edge.

And friction, both internal and external, has made that very clear.

I know many of you can relate to this right now, based on the conversations I’ve had.

So, what the hell is going on?

Near the end of December 2014, Saturn crossed over into Sagittarius, and journeyed towards a solid square with transiting Neptune in Pisces.

Saturn: Structure. A Well Thought Out Plan. Solidity. Karma. Pragmatism. Work. Not Cutting Corners. Paying Your Taxes.

Neptune: Illusions. Dreams. Faith. Inner Hidden Consciousness. Diffusion. Intuition. Emotion. Knowing That It'll All Work Out No Matter What You Do.

To put these two in tension with each other throws the glaring, critical light of Saturn on the more gentle and diffuse waters of Neptune. this aspect can manifest in many differing ways for many people, but a good example is what happened for me: my illusions were challenged by a need for greater security and pragmatism.

The signs that are most effected by this right now are Virgo, Gemini, Pisces, and Sagittarius.

Many of you - no matter what your sign - are feeling some aspect of that “floating on faith” vibe come to a halt. In one or many areas of your life. You might feel like your touch-and-go job is no longer providing for your security, and you’re jumping into a more solid occupational situation. Some of you are having relational constrictions and miscommunications arise out of nowhere.. which are challenging your inner illusions about how you perceive others vs. yourself. Many of you are feeling a challenge come out of left field, and as harsh circumstances arise with it, you’re forced to blindly feel through the ocean of your illusions to the solidity of the earth. Wherever it may be.

It’s a confusing and anxious time.. and prone to low self esteem. Especially if you're still trying to let the illusion win when you should let the structure win out. Or, if you're holding onto the illusion of a structure when the real structure lies in letting go and finding faith in diffusion.

^ Woah. I know. Total mindfuck.

But inside yourself.. you are already starting to feel into where your next growing edge is. Wether it's answering the call of Saturn and creating more structure, or answering the call of Neptune and allowing for greater faith in the Universe.

Which is part of why this is whole thing also very useful.

In my case, dealing with the effects of cutting through illusions, dealing with fear, and seeing where I need to meet the ever-giving hand of the Universe with my own responsibility, I’m upping my game. I’m not digging the stimulus. It sucks. But I am rocking it, to the best of my ability, and making the necessary changes in my life.

And actually, even though it's been emotional and challenging, I'm super grateful.

Love And Relationship Outlook For 2015 - Libra Through Pisces

Part two of "The Love Post". Part One here.

Libra

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

REVOLUTION VS. HARMONY
Resonating Tarot Card: The Hanged Man

Libra doesn’t like when things don’t feel smooth. And tasteful. And harmonious. Libra, in fact, will often do everything they can to avoid a bumpy road in a relationship. But with Uranus in Aries continuing to oppose your sign in 2015, it’s not a time to be focusing on harmony. This is a time that you will really be feeling an inner sense of discord and shifting, and you may be scanning the horizon for something better “out there”. And you may need to make extreme choices or decisions in order to respond to the Uranian energy.

This will unsettle you. And it's supposed to. Unless you're struggling hard against it and trying to ignore it.

This is a similar energy to that which Aries is feeling this year. The difference is, Aries has the conjunction which is smoother flowing energy.. and you get the opposition.. which often creates a more shocking and dramatic energy. Surprises that you least expected will strike like random bolts of lightening into your life - a sudden breakup, a sudden need to shift your sexuality, a sudden occupational shift. Maybe even an attraction to somebody who is not treating you well, and it forces you to reconfigure the way you look at self esteem and relational function. Or, it could be experienced in a more internalized way: you may feel a constant sense of uncomfortable stagnation. A need to break out of all your norms and shift something in a big way in order to feel “free”. And it will feel rapid and pressing. Urgent. Like the whole river of life is rushing you towards a waterfall.

This desire to be free in some way that you haven’t achieved yet will duke it out with your need to please other people all the time. And if you are trying to let the people-pleaser win, it won’t work. So chameleoning for a relationship isn’t the best idea right now. This is far better used as a time to really explore the tensions you are feeling, and what exactly makes your needs tick. And *gasp* even create conflict. It also includes exploring a wide array of new experiences in order to even find what your needs are. Everything is different from what it was. Uranus is ensuring that. So don’t try to hold on to your same old patterns.

What You Need This Year

To allow your relationship identity to change. That’s the only way you’ll move through this time with grace. If you are holding on to an outdated idea of what your relationships need to look like, you’re going to be in the “Zap Zone”.. which is basically Uranus throwing you a huge (and possibly ugly) surprise in order to “zap” your hands open. Get you to let go of control. If you are truly desiring a partner to help you through this time, you will likely attract somebody who is out of your norm. Somebody you never would have attracted in the past, who will help broaden your perspective through this transit in your life. (Aquarius or Leo might be a good choice.)

Hot Months For You

January - Good one for having a good and sexy time WHILE integrating the Uranian electricity

June - Especially mid-June. Venus/Jupiter conjunction sextile your Sun. Sexy. 

Overall Advice

The more open you are to change and new ideas at this time, the more everything will go smoother for you. However.. (and this will be the hard part for you) it’s not about “smooth” right now. Part of the gift of this time for you is seeing what is actually beneficial about erratic changes. And learning to respond, not react, to them. Jupiter is also sextiling your sign from Leo, so this can be a great time to expand through change. Just let life have it’s flow, and ride through. Grace and harmony will avail themselves to you when you find your revolutionary truth. The real truth. 

Scorpio

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

DEEPENING. AND HOPE.
Resonating Tarot Card: Star

Gotta hand it to you, Scorpio. You made it through a rough few years of Saturn transiting your sign. You really had to get your nose to the grindstone and work hard in order to achieve what you wanted.  Or, everything you'd worked hard for over the years fell apart.. causing you to have to let go of all your previous structures. Now, Saturn is exiting your sign, which is revealing a simultaneous aspect that has been happening for some time now as well: Neptune in Pisces trining your sign. This is a very long, slow aspect.. which may or may not be directly effecting you, depending on your sun’s degree, but it offers a powerful expansion of intuition, empathy, and imagination. You are able to conceive of complex, spirit-opening realities in a way that you never have before. And your usual psychological astuteness is deepened in understanding and softened by empathy. The harshness has opened up and is making way for your spirit to flourish.

It could be that you are also in a relationship, this year, where you are able to flow past previous barriers. Your understanding of both yourself and your partner is able to move into a deeper place. And you might surprise yourself by what you’re able to transcend. Even the messages of past wounds. Easing up on judgements this year will bring your relationship (or a new one) to powerful new heights, and allow you the totality of perspective to understand things in a brand new way. Or, you may find yourself needing to be taken care of while in a weak place.. or taking care of your partner in a weak place. A “savior” tone to your relationship is possible. But thankfully, the harshness of Saturn is moving out of your sign (though it retrogrades next year and takes a small dip back into your sign.. possibly bringing you a little rebound of Saturnine issues.)

What you do need to be careful of right now, especially with Jupiter in Leo also squaring your sign, is the possibility of running away with ideals or fantasies that don’t have any foot in practical reality. For some of you, hope feels really good after such a long time of not seeing it. But it will be an easy time to lose yourself in a flight of fancy, maybe even entering into a deeply unwise situation because you have such an overinflated belief in it. Be careful with money and over-extending your resources. Especially with your partner.

What You Need This Year

Trust your inner knowing. Even about whoever you’re with. Your intuition is especially strong through this time, and will likely guide you in the right direction (If you aren’t being over-inflated by the Jupiter square). You’re tuned into energy levels that are beyond the mundane.. and that may reflect into the kind of partner you attract or are looking for. Your spirituality or imagination needs to be stimulated by your partnership this year. A more firey or airy type likely won’t cut it.. but a Pisces might contribute to the possible savior/victim complex talked about above. 

Hot Months For You

February - Neptune + Mars + Venus in Pisces. Deep, soul-exposing sex.

December - Love .. and other resources in your life should be doing well. ($$). Nice.

Overall Advice

I think that this year will hopefully be a bit of a landing on the staircase of life for you. The overall universal energies are still shifting towards big change (Pluto - your ruling planet - in Capricorn. A huge restructure is still happening).. but as we all know, there are times when things are harder than other times. This is a time that will take a different tone for you. A softer, more Neptunian tone. Your partnerships will also take this flavor.. of looking empathetically into the souls of others instead of uncovering hidden agendas for the sake of judgement.

Sagittarius

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

STRUCTURE
Resonating Tarot Card: The Magician

Good news? Jupiter is in Leo, trining your sign of Sagittarius! Good times! Heavier news? Saturn just entered Sagittarius.. which means honing in on work and structures. Not the kind of thing freewheeling Sagittarius wants. But these energies are actually well-aspected to each other through most of 2015.. so if you’re a Sagittarius born in the earlier degrees of the sign, this could all have a really good-feeling flow to it. And you may not be experiencing the Saturn energies through harshness or depression this year.

When Saturn goes through any sign, it’s a “time to get real” energy. If you were making decisions in the past about partners based on hopping from adventure to adventure without giving it much thought, this will slow you down a bit. You’ll put more critical considerations on yourself or a partner within a partnership, because you are more aware of what your standards are. Your partner may also be eye-rolling as you go off on long-winded tangents about a new discipline you’re adhering to. Or you’ll finally really hunker down and stay with somebody through the long haul, if you’ve never done that. Saturn has a way of making you conscious of the long term, and giving you a desire to meet its demands.

I think the Jupiter trine to Saturn in 2015 will soften this a bit, causing you to feel optimistic about expansion through focusing on building your structures. Especially since it's in Leo, and offering a brightness, fun, expansive feeling to all of your other undertakings. It may also bring you a connection at your work who recognizes you for what you offer. Romantically, it could bring you a partner who works with you through your expansion rather than a “you vs. your partner” energy. You may definitely get a shove in the career department... Either giving you more focus on mastery, or shifting your occupation altogether through a sudden set of circumstances. (Trine of Uranus in Aries). 

This is a “building upwards” year for you. Even through the boring bits.

What You Need This Year

Though you’ve likely been attracted to firey or airy types who don’t get too hung up, things are changing. A more serious or more structured partner is more appealing to you for 2015 than in your past. Maybe even your neighboring sign Capricorn. Buuuuttt.. With the trines of Jupiter and Uranus in the mix for 2015, you will definitely get some of life’s more interesting surprises. Including who shows up for you. Could be that he has some zany, travel-based entrepreneurship.. but also works extremely hard and consistently to hold his life together. It’s a mixed bag. Which is kind of what you like anyway.

You definitely need to learn the balance of work and play.. so the Universe is likely to send you people who will give you a clue as to which one is out of balance. 

Hot Months For You

March - Definitely a time to get out. No matter how hard you’re working.

July - Adventure Month! Venus/Jupiter in Leo trining your sun, and Saturn’s taking a dip back into Scorpio. Out of your sign. Sweet.

Overall Advice

Don’t get carried away with criticisms of your life, your self, or your partner. Yes, you’re painfully aware of the work you have to do, and are getting your nose to the grindstone. Commendable. Really. But you also have to realize that the energy is likely to tip in favor of that side of the scale. You should ease up a little on the harshness. And also talking about it.. which might feel like you are riding a crusade horse into a country against its will.. and that country is your partner. Or friends. Or whoever else has to hear you rattle on and on and on about your new disciplined pursuits in life. 

Capricorn

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

AUTHENTICITY
Resonating Tarot Card: The Hermit

Pluto is slowly..... slowly........... .....slowly.... trudging through Capricorn. Like, for years. And it’s got years more to go. Depending on the degree of your Sun, you will at some point feel the conjunction energy of Pluto. (If you haven’t already). This is a time of stripping down what isn’t necessary and rebirthing you into a more authentic reality. And it isn’t always comfortable. In fact, it isn’t often comfortable. That’s because Pluto often takes you right up into your deepest fears, walks you through them, shows you that there’s always a way through, and then you rise out of it as a phoenix from the ashes. (This is emphasized by the square of Uranus in Aries.. which is likely to throw you whatever surprises it needs to in order to get you out of your rut.)

Capricorn feels a bit shaky about this whole process. You’re an earth sign, and thus you really like when you’ve got earth below your feet.. and a plan. A plan is good to you. In fact, most of you Goats have depended so much on a plan for so many years that it’s hard to imagine it being ripped away from you. But the planet of death and rebirth moving through the sign of structure is all about showing you a more authentic truth than your plan was built on. Many of you Capricorns have likely experienced this through an intense breakup, or a super intense love affair/relationship that brought you to emotional extremes, or a prolonged time of being single.. where you really explore what relationship means to you. Sexual expression is usually intensified and deepened when Pluto is involved, as well. So the sex during the time that your Capricorn planets are aspected by Pluto is pretty memorable.

This kind of transit also has a habit of revealing some of the darker truths in your life. Secrets, or dubious motivations, or deceitful dealings with the law/public/significant others.. maybe even mental issues.. and bringing them to light. Your partnerships may even interact in the area of revealing these things to you.

This isn’t the kind of life material that chick-flicks and rom-coms are made out of. The story between you and your partner will look a bit more like a serious period-drama. Cold Mountain. Or The Painted Veil. Or some kind of story that includes war and psychological extremes and personal breakthroughs and peaks and valleys. This is a time in your life where your truth, your authenticity, and your light is paramount. And authenticity at it’s purest isn’t always something you’d make pretty and put on a poster. No, you’re learning, through every kind of extreme, exactly what you’re made of. Pluto will make sure of it. 

What You Need This Year

I’ll tell you what you don’t need right now: somebody shallow. Sure, if you’re that kind of Goat that enjoys keeping their serious side at work and non-committal play in the bedroom.. it may be hard to change. But Pluto is here now. And if you just compartmentalize all partners under “play”, you won’t meet a somebody who will call you out, help you out, and stick next to you through this very deep transition. If, in fact, you want somebody here through this transition. You may instead need a prolonged period of exploring your psychological depths alone. Which is fine. 

If you’re already in a good partnership at this time.. it will definitely deepen. And if it doesn’t have the capacity to go deep, Pluto will destroy it.

Hot Months For You

- February - Great for an empathetic partnership. Neptune, mars, and venus in Pisces.

- November - ... If things aren’t quake-proofed yet in your bedroom.. I suggest you make the necessary adjustments..

Overall Advice

The “Shock Factor x Deep Factor” of your life is a thing this year. An ongoing thing. And a whole bunch of shit that might not make sense to your structures is likely to happen. For Capricorn, this can really turn your world upside down. But I personally know that Capricorn has a pretty deep, vulnerable spiritual side, wether or not you’re aware of it. Releasing your grip a bit and trusting the Universe (especially the Universe’s natural cycle of death) will greatly reduce your stress and pain. Think about the mountain you’re climbing. Does it still need to be climbed? It could be that you are holding on to burdens that are no longer necessary. Even in your view of relationship.

Aquarius

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

INFLATING POSSIBILITIES

Resonating Tarot Card: The Empress

This may, actually, feel super fun for you. With Jupiter opposing your sign in Leo, and your ruling planet Uranus sextiling your sun from Aries, you may feel like you are on a crazy rocket ride.. and the whole Universe is opened up for your exploration. Or, you may just feel a lot of everyday tension because you wish the above was more true for your life. Overbearing structures will be glaringly obvious to you at this time. Anything that is keeping you trapped. You can feel that there is so much more out there to explore, discover, and do.. and it will tempt you towards extravagant behavior in order to answer the call. Mostly because you feel extra aware of abundance that is available outside of normal structures. 

This can be a time in your relationships where other people (especially people who are oriented towards their own concept of security) might be jarred by how you “stir the pot”. Your restlessness may be expressed through acting arrogantly. Or in some extra-individualized way that rides roughshod over others. Your partner may feel a bit embarrassed by your tendencies towards overkill in the “shock” department. Or, you could stay relatively quiet in your behavior.. but make huge financial promises, make plans for a sudden extravagant trip, or a dramatic lifestyle change that throws everybody for a loop.

It will be hard to understand how to balance or master this energy. Mostly because it will act strangely and erratically, and won’t be easy for you to recognize. But the best way to tone it down is to spend extra time thinking about the implications of your choices. Even though you’re a revolutionary and a progressive.. and not always that interested in fitting into others‘ conventions.. you may consider that you could have a more successful relationship with your partner if you could tone down some of the grandiosity and channel some Saturn. (It’s sextiling your sign from Sagittarius! Useful).

What You Need This Year

Somebody who won’t hold you back.. but will temper you. Of course you care about the collective opinion, and viewing an individual relationship with somebody as a “representative from the collective” can help balance you. Freedom and independence are wonderful things.. and you will want them more than ever this year. But don’t ride roughshod over the people, events, and experiences that don’t fit your bigger flights of fancy. 

If I were to guess, though.. you’ll probably meet your partner at an intentional living community in Costa Rica while doing nude tai chi during a permaculture festival. Or something. 

Hot Months For You

March - This could be that time in Costa Rica I was just talking about.

September - Jupiter moves out of opposition with your sign = stabilizing. Venus/Mars in opposition with your sign = sexualizing. 

Overall Advice

Have your adventures. Really. It’s a great year to take advantage of the restlessness and do something about it. 

I just hope your job is flexible about that kind of thing. 

Pisces

Theme For 2015 That Will Effect Your Relational Reality

WHO TURNED UP MY FISHNESS?
Resonating Tarot Card: The High Priestess

Ooh! Ooh! My turn! My turn!

I’m a Pisces myself. So of course one always feels a little biased while writing about their own sign. But I’m gonna keep the playing field even and express what I see from an objective standpoint. Neptune is still cruising ever so slowly through Pisces. If you’re an earlier degree Pisces, you will be feeling the conjunction of Neptune to your Sun. If you’re a later degree Pisces.. you’re probably feeling more of the Pluto sextile from Capricorn. 

Since Pisces is already Neptune-ruled.. we spend most of our time exploring a plethora of alternate realities, complex ideas, empathy, and illusions. With Neptune coming through Pisces and adding extra watery nature to our already watery nature.. it’s a bit of a deluge. A constant psychedelic trip. This is a prime transit for the Fish to lose itself in something. And really lose their identity to it. In relationships, the primary thing to watch for is flowing into an entirely different identity.. because the object of your affections starts to form your mold. This is, of course, a typical problem for Pisces. But with the added Neptune, it can be part of an enormous “drug trip”. The kind where you wake up in a few years and wonder who made you their avatar and took over your body.

The other two major effectors of Pisces this year are the Pluto in Capricorn and the Saturn moving into Sagittarius. The Pluto in Capricorn might be causing you to have a bit of an alternate experience from the one described above. Instead, you feel astute.. sharp.. and psychologically penetrative. You might also be looking for a more all-consuming love experience than you have in the past. 

What’s difficult is the Saturn in Sagittarius energy, which will cause early-born Pisceans to feel like a storm cloud is hovering over their heads for parts of the year. The Saturn energy might dampen your confidence in relationships, but it will also give you a motivation to get your shit together and accomplish something. The key to using the energy for accomplishment rather than diminishment/depression is to keep objective goals in mind, and to keep an eye on reality.

What You Need This Year

Probably not a starving artist/musician/creative/tortured soul/poor helpless victim/ institutionalized druggy on-and-off lover. I know. We love them. WE LOVE THEM. But we gotta say “screw that noise” right now and remember that reality is a bit of a challenge at the moment.. so a partner who’s maybe even “boringly uncreative” to our eyes could be a good choice. I might avoid air signs and other water signs (Besides a solid Scorpio).

Actually, this may be a good time for you who are so-inclined to really commit to a spiritual practice. Or something that can channel all of that Neptunian, otherworldly power into a pursuit that honors its potential.

Hot Months For You

- Late January/Early February - Sexy. Times.

- July - One of the better times for confidence through the year.

Overall Advice

The double-shot of Neptune in your drink is a lot. I should know. It’s directly on my stellium in Pisces right now.. and it’s intense. Reality has never been less definable. But, I do feel that it’s a great time, while the boundaries are down, to explore. You might make some decisions that are really hard for others to understand at this time.. but remember that you are on the mission of defining for yourself what’s illusion, what’s reality, what’s spirit, and what’s “out there”. Relationships formed during this time are a lot of “learners”.. or at least, may feel that way later on, when you come out of the transit. This is the kind of transit where your behavior will be drastically different before, during, and after it. Whoever is sticking it out with you will have to have a lot of patience with your need to explore the realms of all possible realities.

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Finding the Green: What happens When You Trap a Triple Pisces in the City

Back in 2009.. I was a hopeful-hearted 22-year old. I'd just moved to San Francisco for art school and a dream.

Within a year of living right downtown in the civic center.. a singular realization began to overshadow my life.

I hated the city.

Hated it.

I hated being trapped in a labyrinth of steel, glass, and grey. Vertical lines, dreary fog, and dead concrete threatened to take away every delicate, organic thing within my soul. I hated the swelling, suffocating forces of chaotic energy.. the calling card of hungry spirits and ghoulish addicts. Filling me with fear and depression. I hated that anything real or natural was asphyxiated by an overwhelming ambitious force.. punctuated by the dead-eyed financial achievers rushing around me in the streets. What was an exciting world of synthetic stimulation to others was a dead, stinking, ugly place to me. I hated the feeling of drowning, drowning, drowning.. unable to find a way out. Unable to come up for air. 

I was a dolphin in the desert. I was a macaw in the tundra. I was completely where I didn't belong. And I couldn't achieve enough, do enough, or ignore it enough to get past the pain in my soul.

Frankly.. with a Sun, Moon, and Mercury in Pisces.. I should have known that my sensitivity levels were too high to thrive in the middle of the downtown chaos. So much Neptunian energy NEEDS natural, organic resting places.

A couple years in.. the depression got so bad that I knew something had to change.  

So, as a small way of reconnecting to nature.. I decided to commit to a Golden Gate Park visit every week. 

I told myself that I'd spend as much time as possible being as lost as possible, in that narrow strip of green.. until I felt whole again. 

And so I did.

The contrast was dramatic. Very dramatic. I'd often melt into tears underneath my sunglasses on the bus, as I headed down the final stretch of Fulton street. Towards those twirling Australian teatrees and rising ancient redwoods. Knowing that in a few moments.. my soul was going to be able to breathe. That I would feel normal again. Whole again. That the deepest, most connected "knowing" in me would be able to feel it's place.. to feel like it had organic, green room around it. 

During this time.. I took lots of photos of my relationship to this little, green world.

These are all very special moments to me.

Because they were so rare.. and I cared so much about them. 

I decided to post them all here today as a reminder of one of the hardest emotional times I have come through in my life, which created a far deeper meaning of beauty for my life.